Nation States

I have a Nation State. I don’t know if this is fun yet, but it looks nifty.

Civil Rights: Unheard Of
Economy: Strong
Political Freedoms: Outlawed
Location: The East Pacific

The People’s Republic of Isaacistan is a tiny, pleasant nation, remarkable for its compulsory military service. Its hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical population of 5 million are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation’s GDP and refers to individual citizens as “human resources.”

The tiny, corrupt, moralistic government is effectively ruled by the Department of Law & Order, with areas such as Social Welfare and Religion & Spirituality receiving almost no funds by comparison. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 3%. A substantial private sector is led by the Gambling industry, followed by Soda Sales and Pizza Delivery.

Crime is a problem. Isaacistan’s national animal is the mule and its currency is the bongo.

A dialoge on ethics

WOMAN: Honey?

MAN: Yes dear?

WOMAN: Hypothetically speaking, if you were going to have a baby and you were concerned that the baby might not be as… white as your husband was expecting it to be, would you warn your husband of this possibility in advance, or would you wait to see what the baby looked like?

MAN: Hmm. What ethnicity are we anticipating?

WOMAN: Oh, I think it’s safe to say there are a few different road we could travel here.

MAN: Ri-ight. Sweetie do you have something you want to tell me?

WOMAN: About what?

MAN: About the sizable bulge that your belly has gained over the past several weeks.

WOMAN: Oh, that? I have exciting news, sweetie. We’re going to have a baby!

MAN: Honey?

WOMAN: Yes, Darling?

MAN: I hate you.

WOMAN: I know. You kept yelling that fact over and over the night you knocked me up.


I wasn’t supposed to be born. I was an accident.

Bates was the name of the man hired to kill my mother. My father tells me he was a well-respected professional. But even the best killers are fallible, and as he pulled the trigger my Aunt Shelly stepped into range, taking the bullet instead.
There wasn’t enough time for my dad to line up another hit. He had waited too long. The day after Shelly’s funeral my mom gave birth to me, dying in labor.

Years later, Dad still sends killers after me, but apparently the evil forces that live within my soul are protecting me, because time after time, the assassins fail.

I only see my father during the holidays, and as you may well imagine, things between us are awkward.


A Love Poem

I love you so much

that I

threw up all over my favorite shirt,


the Hawaiian one with the naked ladies on it,

and now I don’t want it anymore,


I still want you.


Bone Machine

If I ever met Kim Deal, I would want to ask her “My bone’s gotta little machine. Wanna see it?”

This illustrates 2 things.

The first thing is that celebrity is a hard life.

And the second is that cosmically speaking, I should not have a girlfriend.

“Oh, Alexander, I see you beneath the archway of aerodynamics…”

So, yeah, It’s been a bad month. A bad couple of month actually. I’m pretty sure College in the fall is a goal that will have to be abandoned.

I tell you all with total certainty the following: I will never buy a house. I never want to be bound to the land like that.

I have to admit, my spirits broke. I had been wandering around in my life, numb, waiting for the next catastrophe to occur since yesterday afternoon.

And then I Bleed by The Pixies came on my iPod, and something good had happened. I remembered how much I love the world I live in. I let the song wash over me, and I felt okay about my life. Debt and poverty and a job I can’t afford to quit can’t take away music from me. They can’t take away the library, or the comfy chairs at Borders. Nor can they take away my friends, my family, or my girlfriend.

Thanks, The Pixies. I needed that one.

So, due to illness, semi-destitution, illness, Christmas, lost internet connection, and blown-out tires, my life has been constantly disrupted over the past few months. It has felt like I have been leaping from one minor crisis to another since I moved out of the city, leaving no time for friends or for writing. It was getting old.

But it looks like things have finally calmed down, and I can begin the process of reclaiming my life.

Psyche! I totaled my car last night. I’m fucked.

Rabbit Hole Meme

I feel like I did this for a few months already, leaving me unsure of what to do on the 27th.

January 27th is the birthday of Lewis Carroll, author of ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND. Alice fell down a rabbit hole into a place where everything had changed and none of the rules could be counted on to apply anymore. I say, let’s do the same: January 27th, 2005 should be the First Annual LiveJournal Rabbit Hole Day. When you post on that Thursday, instead of the normal daily life and work and news and politics, write about the strange new world you have found yourself in for the day, with its strange new life and work and news and politics. Are your pets talking back at you now? Has your child suddenly grown to full adulthood? Does everyone at work think you’re someone else now? Did Bush step down from the White House to become a pro-circuit tap-dancer? Did Zoroastrian missionaries show up on your doorstep with literature in 3-D? Have you been placed under house arrest by bizarre insectoid women wielding clubs made of lunchmeat?

Let’s have a day where nobody’s life makes sense anymore, where any random LJ you click on will bring you some strange new tale. Let’s all fall down the Rabbit Hole for 24 hours and see what’s there. It will be beautiful.

For consideration: this only works if you spread the word, of course, but three and a half weeks is forever in LJ Meme Time.