Toni Cipriani is no Carl Johnson

So I picked up the latest installment in the Grand Theft Auto series: Liberty City Stories. And, while it might simply be that San Andreas ruined me for all other murder simulators, the new game seems a little bit sucky. LC Stories, a port of a game developed for the PSP portable, obviously can’t directly compete with San Andreas on, well, any front, but I knew going in that I was getting a smaller, foggier, less dense game. I don’t need all the bells and whistles to have fun, just good gameplay. However, I’ve completed maybe 10 missions of this new game now, and none of them have been, y’know, cool. Yeah, I’ve played a million-zillion missions on the three prior games, but so far this game just feels very by-the-numbers.

It is great to be back on the familiar streets of Liberty City, and it was nice to have motorcycles this time around. However, I had forgotten how truly horrible targeting was in GTA III. If anything, it is worse in this game. The game also has a truly crap soundtrack.

All in all, a bit of a disappointment.

Kirby rocks! As does Romita Jr.!

Hey comics dorks!
I don’t have the last few issues of Kirby’s Eternals and don’t really know their history in the Marvel Universe. Are the Space Gods still wandering around testing the three races? Is Ajak still trapped in a bubble with 20 years to go?

Can someone please fill in my holes?

I don’t know where the tape came from.

In blatant contrast to my Monday, sleep did not come easy last night. An hour after I had turned off the lights, only to be kept awake by abdominal pain, I, through circumstances I cannot adequately explain, found myself watching a previously unviewed episode of 2003’s The New Tom Green Show. Although I was kinda groggy and kind of bent over in pain, the show seemed somewhat awesome.

The New Tom Green Show was, unlike the Old Tom Green Show, a late night talk show, and it was crap. But it was a charming sort of crap. It was made pretty clear that Green has no business hosting a talk show, and he seemed to understand that. As he let Linkin Park pound on his van with mallets, or as he pulled out a sketch pad and drew terrible portraits of audience members, or as he made affectionate jokes about his pianist’s penis, he gave the impression that while he didn’t understand why he was given this show, he was going to have some fun until he gots cancelled. Said cancellation came quickly.

This particular episode found in my VCR featured Harland Williams and Eddie Kay Thomas, two actors who both starred in the Tom Green masterwork Freddy Got Fingered. I think the fact that Green asked all of his friends to appear on his show is neat. The New Tom Green Show was in no way the sort of slick, well-oiled PR machine that one expects from a late night talk show. It was just some dorks goofing off. The fact that the dorks happened to be celebrities wasn’t portrayed as important.

Fuck all haters. Tom Green rocks.

Horror fiction is pretty stupid, huh?

Yesterday, I sold my soul on eBay. It was, like, a joke. It went for a quarter. After I was Paypaled, I fired off an email to some guy saying I transferred to him all rights to my immortal soul.

It was just a silly thing, something I did to make my friends laugh. It didn’t really mean anything. I only mention it, because I shoved my mom down the stairs this morning, and I’m not sure if I would have done that before. I mean, I never did, right?

I guess it was probably just a coincidence.

Originally published at The Triangle. You can comment here or there.

Horror fiction is pretty stupid, huh?

Yesterday, I sold my soul on eBay. It was, like, a joke. It went for a quarter. After I was Paypaled, I fired off an email to some guy saying I transferred to him all rights to my immortal soul.

It was just a silly thing, something I did to make my friends laugh. It didn’t really mean anything. I only mention it, because I shoved my mom down the stairs this morning, and I’m not sure if I would have done that before. I mean, I never did, right?

I guess it was probably just a coincidence.

Being sick isn’t fun

So I lost yesterday. I got up, went to work, felt like absolute hell, came home, sprawled upon the couch and promptly fell asleep. Tessa woke me up around six, and we watched a few episodes of West Wing. Then I went to bed.

I think I need to shake up my lifestyle.

Brainiac Attacked.

So Superman: Brainiac Attacks played on Toonami this Saturday. It was bad. Not bad like a bad episode of Superman: The Animated Series, but bad like and episode of The Batman.

While it used the character models and most of the voice actors from S:TAS, it isn’t clear that the writers ever saw the show. Clancy (Lex Luthor) Brown’s and Corey (Brainiac) Burton’s absences stood out like a couple of sore thumbs. Brainiac was emotional. Luthor was dumb, excitable and shameless. Mercy was just dumb. Some of Big Blue’s powers smacked of “spackle vision.” On top of these fannish complaints, it just wasn’t very good. Lazy pacing, dull action, and shoddy animation added up to a largely forgettable film.

But I kinda liked it anyways. While much of the dialogue was cringe-inducing, there were a couple of solid jokes in there.
The triangle (Clark loves Lois loves Superman) stuff was done pretty decently. Also Jimmy Olsen got loads of screen time and I’m a sucker for the kid.

I miss Bruce Timm.

Getting some Tail

Playing Tail of the Sun, a game for the original Playstation, had been on my things to do list for a good long while. I had heard about the game in ’96, years before I owned a Playstation. I knew that in the game, you play a tribe of cavemen who are trying to erect a pile of mammoth bones tall enough that they can climb it and reach the sun. I feel this is the greatest concept for a video game since Rocket Dogs.

Throughout the years, while I had never played the game, I had never forgotten it. I picked up a copy earlier last year, but it got put on my shelf unplayed, waiting for the right time. This was my caveman simulator, I wanted to give it the attention it deserved. And so, last night, ten years after the game’s initial release, I finally played Tail of the Sun.

Great Rao, it sucked. Gameplay consisted of aimlessly wandering the landscape, eating random fruits you found lying on the ground. Periodically, your caveman would fall asleep. After fifteen minutes of play, I had not found any creatures of any sort. Just fruit and rocks.

Back in the day, this game had garnered a cult following based upon its “open-ended” gameplay. That was in 1996. Recent developments in gaming have upped the stakes for open-ended gameplay. When one can play San Andreas, a fruit-littered blocky landscape fails to qualify as “deeply immersive gameplay.”

I gave up. Tail of the Sun got added to my purge pile. I remain hopeful that one day there will be a caveman-journeying-to-the-sun video game worth playing, but in the meantime I will make due with other games.

Originally published at The Triangle. You can comment here or there.

Getting some Tail

Playing Tail of the Sun, a game for the original Playstation, had been on my things to do list for a good long while. I had heard about the game in ’96, years before I owned a Playstation. I knew that in the game, you play a tribe of cavemen who are trying to erect a pile of mammoth bones tall enough that they can climb it and reach the sun. I feel this is the greatest concept for a video game since Rocket Dogs.

Throughout the years, while I had never played the game, but I had never forgotten it. I picked up a copy earlier last year, but it got put on my shelf unplayed, waiting for the right time. This was my caveman simulator, I wanted to give it the attention it deserved. Last night, ten years after the game’s initial release, I finally played Tail of the Sun.

Great Rao, it sucked. Gameplay consisted of aimlessly wandering the landscape, eating random fruits you found lying on the ground. Periodically, your caveman would fall asleep. After fifteen minutes of play, I had not found any creatures of any sort. Just fruit and rocks.

Back in the day, this game had garnered a cult following based upon its “open-ended” gameplay. That was in 1996. Recent developments in gaming have upped the stakes for open-ended gameplay. When one can play San Andreas, a fruit littered blocky landscape fails to qualify as “deeply immersive gameplay.”

I gave up. Tail of the Sun got added to my purge pile. I remain hopeful that one day there will be a caveman-journeying-to-the-sun video game worth playing, but in the meantime I will make due with other games.