The Protomen

www.protomen.com

My golly, this is a good album. It is so much more than just a grim rock opera reimagining of the Megaman saga. It is a true epic on par with the greatest rock albums and with the greatest melodramas.

For those of you who already knowthe story of Dr. Light’s robots this will be at once completely familiar and completely new. You’ve known Protoman for years, but have you ever weeped for him? The Protomen gives the Megaman myth an emotional core never before seen. This is a story about saving the damned human race, but first and foremost it is a story about a family divided.

For those of you unfamiliar with the characters, the album stands fine on it’s own merits. More than just “video game music,” The Protomen is a story containing every element needed for a good epic-scale rock opera including struggle, hope, death, electric guitars, and robot armies.

The music rocks really goddamned hard. Blending themes from the Megaman games with guitar, piano, horns and the human chorus, the music perfectly matches the tone of the story. This album has blown me away.

The story of The Light Family’s struggle to save the world From Dr. Wily’s evil robots is an assrocking story of tragic heroism that everyone should get to hear and is my new favorite album.

Hope Rides Alone

If you would like,
log in here: mail.google.com
under this name: wet.floor
and this password: cautionwetfloor

Once logged in, there is a new song for the listening.

The song Hope Rides Alone written and performed by the Protomen is really goddamn fucking amazing, or so I feel.

An end to clockblogging

I started today with a long list of things I wanted in an alarm clock: Battery backup, surround sound, those little nutsacks you can get for your cell phones. Screw all that junk. I now want nothing less than an alarm clock that can cook bacon and that looks like a pig.
I’ve spent all day looking at dozens of different alarm clocks and they all suck. Whatever features they may have: battery backup, alarm slots for each day of the week, unpleasant odors, or whatever, they all fail the newly created “can they cook me bacon?” test. Does the market not want a bacon clock?

They say you can judge a culture by the quality of their alarm clocks. After what I’ve seen today, I fear we are a society with no sense of how to wake up.

Originally published at The Triangle. You can comment here or there.

An end to clockblogging

I started today with a long list of things I wanted in an alarm clock: Battery backup, surround sound, those little nutsacks you can get for your cell phones. Screw all that junk. I now want nothing less than an alarm clock that can cook bacon and that looks like a pig.
I’ve spent all day looking at dozens of different alarm clocks and they all suck. Whatever features they may have: battery backup, alarm slots for each day of the week, unpleasant odors, or whatever, they all fail the newly created “can they cook me bacon?” test. Does the market not want a bacon clock?

They say you can judge a culture by the quality of their alarm clocks. After what I’ve seen today, I fear we are a society with no sense of how to wake up.

Device

From http://www.mathlete.com/portfolio/wakeNbacon.php

“WHAT: An alarm clock that wakes you up with the smell and sizzle of cooking bacon.

WHY: No one likes to wake up, especially by an alarm. This clock gently wakes you up with the mouthwatering aroma of bacon, just like waking up on a Sunday morning to the smell of Mom cooking breakfast. Unless you’re Jewish.

HOW: A frozen strip of bacon is placed in Wake n’ Bacon the night before. Because there is a 10 minute cooking time, the clock is set to go off 10 minutes before the desired waking time. Once the alarm goes off, the clock it sends a signal to a small speaker to generate the alarm sound. We hacked the clock so that the signal is re-routed by a microchip that in responds by sending a signal to a relay that throws the switch to power two halogen lamps that slow-cook the bacon in about 10 minutes. ”

This is even better than my waffle toasting idea. For what is better than bacon? There is nothing better than bacon.

I also admire that the clock is oversized and looks like a pig. This is an alarm clock with a proper level of personality.

Unfortunately, this alarm clock is not commercially available. What the hel, internet? The next alarm clock better be eligible for purchase. And have blast processing.

Originally published at The Triangle. You can comment here or there.

Device

From http://www.mathlete.com/portfolio/wakeNbacon.php

“WHAT: An alarm clock that wakes you up with the smell and sizzle of cooking bacon.

WHY: No one likes to wake up, especially by an alarm. This clock gently wakes you up with the mouthwatering aroma of bacon, just like waking up on a Sunday morning to the smell of Mom cooking breakfast. Unless you’re Jewish.

HOW: A frozen strip of bacon is placed in Wake n’ Bacon the night before. Because there is a 10 minute cooking time, the clock is set to go off 10 minutes before the desired waking time. Once the alarm goes off, the clock it sends a signal to a small speaker to generate the alarm sound. We hacked the clock so that the signal is re-routed by a microchip that in responds by sending a signal to a relay that throws the switch to power two halogen lamps that slow-cook the bacon in about 10 minutes. ”

This is even better than my waffle toasting idea. For what is better than bacon? There is nothing better than bacon.

I also admire that the clock is oversized and looks like a pig. This is an alarm clock with a proper level of personality.

Unfortunately, this alarm clock is not commercially available. What the hel, internet? The next alarm clock better be eligible for purchase. And have blast processing.

The Soleil Sun Alarm

More from Amazon Dot Com:

“Product Description
In nature, sunlight wakes you by triggering your body to produceserotonin, an energizing, awakening type of hormone. Even with eyelids closed, your eyes sense light and signal the production of serotonin. replicates nature – a better way to wake up. The clock’s small, sleek, compact design takes up very little space on your night stand. Plus, you can easily pack it in your suitcase or shoulder bag when you travel, so you can enjoy the same gentle, refreshing awakenings when you are away from home. Though it is a physically small clock, it is a very unique, dynamic clock, loaded with many desirable features (see below) that enable you to gently awaken in a relaxed, refreshed state. You will really LOVE this truly amazing, very affective clock. Battery Back-up AM/FM radio Alarm: Alarm feature for waking or timing. Snooze button: 10 minute snooze feature with a 1 minute sunrise, with optional flash and beep at the end of the cycle. Flash & Beeper: Are you a heavy sleeper? These selectable features assist with waking by flashing or beeping at the end of the alarm cycle. Sunrise: Wake with the sun! This feature can be activated at intervals from 15 to 120 minutes, gradually increasing brightness to simulate a sunrise. Sunset: Activate a “sunset” at intervals from 15 to 120 minutes, gradually decreasing brightness of light to simulate a sunset. A great feature for the kids room. Nap Timer: When taking a nap, there’s no need to reset the alarm time. Nap timer can be activated at intervals from 15 to 120 minutes. Custom Sunrise: The sunrise feature activates the built-in light which fades in from zero to full intensity over the selected time intervals of 0, 15, 30, 60, 90, or 120 minutes. Security: Automatically turns the lamp on at random intervals to give the impression that someone is at home. Very Compact Size!-measures roughly 5″ x 4.5″ x 3″ UL approved transformer 90 day Manufacturers Warranty ”

While I like that this alarm clock has been designed to deter burglars, I doubt that burglars are going to be scared by random warm light. Unless that light is in the form of death lasers.

Also, waking up to warm gradual light is for pussies. Loud, irritating noise is the only acceptable way to wake up. I demand an alarm clock with a subwoofer. And bass boost.

Originally published at The Triangle. You can comment here or there.

The Soleil Sun Alarm

More from Amazon Dot Com:

“Product Description
In nature, sunlight wakes you by triggering your body to produceserotonin, an energizing, awakening type of hormone. Even with eyelids closed, your eyes sense light and signal the production of serotonin. replicates nature – a better way to wake up. The clock’s small, sleek, compact design takes up very little space on your night stand. Plus, you can easily pack it in your suitcase or shoulder bag when you travel, so you can enjoy the same gentle, refreshing awakenings when you are away from home. Though it is a physically small clock, it is a very unique, dynamic clock, loaded with many desirable features (see below) that enable you to gently awaken in a relaxed, refreshed state. You will really LOVE this truly amazing, very affective clock. Battery Back-up AM/FM radio Alarm: Alarm feature for waking or timing. Snooze button: 10 minute snooze feature with a 1 minute sunrise, with optional flash and beep at the end of the cycle. Flash & Beeper: Are you a heavy sleeper? These selectable features assist with waking by flashing or beeping at the end of the alarm cycle. Sunrise: Wake with the sun! This feature can be activated at intervals from 15 to 120 minutes, gradually increasing brightness to simulate a sunrise. Sunset: Activate a “sunset” at intervals from 15 to 120 minutes, gradually decreasing brightness of light to simulate a sunset. A great feature for the kids room. Nap Timer: When taking a nap, there’s no need to reset the alarm time. Nap timer can be activated at intervals from 15 to 120 minutes. Custom Sunrise: The sunrise feature activates the built-in light which fades in from zero to full intensity over the selected time intervals of 0, 15, 30, 60, 90, or 120 minutes. Security: Automatically turns the lamp on at random intervals to give the impression that someone is at home. Very Compact Size!-measures roughly 5″ x 4.5″ x 3″ UL approved transformer 90 day Manufacturers Warranty ”

While I like that this alarm clock has been designed to deter burglars, I doubt that burglars are going to be scared by random warm light. Unless that light is in the form of death lasers.

Also, waking up to warm gradual light is for pussies. Loud, irritating noise is the only acceptable way to wake up. I demand an alarm clock with a subwoofer. And bass boost.

RM313PNA Silver ExactSet Fixed Projection Alarm Clock with Indoor Temperature

From Amazon Dot Com:

“The RM313PNA Silver ExactSet Fixed Projection Alarm Clock with Indoor Temperature makes going to bed or waking up fun! This cool member of the ExactSet family has all the amazing attributes of our other ExactSet clocks: it sets itself automatically, self-corrects for daylight saving time, projects the time in soft glowing red numbers on the wall or ceiling and now provides you with the indoor temperature! This cool and curvaceous clock not only looks good, but is easy to use and operate. The radio tower icon on the LCD screen lets you know your ExactSet projection clock is tuned in and receiving the super-accurate Atomic Clock time. Colorful design and split-second accuracy — a combination of style and technology that is unquestionable!”

Curvaceous is good. Batsignal technology is pretty sweet. And yet I remain unsold on their claim that they make waking up fun.

NOT HARDCORE ENOUGH!

Originally published at The Triangle. You can comment here or there.

RM313PNA Silver ExactSet Fixed Projection Alarm Clock with Indoor Temperature

From Amazon Dot Com:

“The RM313PNA Silver ExactSet Fixed Projection Alarm Clock with Indoor Temperature makes going to bed or waking up fun! This cool member of the ExactSet family has all the amazing attributes of our other ExactSet clocks: it sets itself automatically, self-corrects for daylight saving time, projects the time in soft glowing red numbers on the wall or ceiling and now provides you with the indoor temperature! This cool and curvaceous clock not only looks good, but is easy to use and operate. The radio tower icon on the LCD screen lets you know your ExactSet projection clock is tuned in and receiving the super-accurate Atomic Clock time. Colorful design and split-second accuracy — a combination of style and technology that is unquestionable!”

Curvaceous is good. Batsignal technology is pretty sweet. And yet I remain unsold on their claim that they make waking up fun.

NOT HARDCORE ENOUGH!

Alarm Clock

My alarm clock decided to wake me up at 2:13, 2:48, 3:14, and 4:38 before dying an ugly death this morning. I am incoherent from lack of sleep this morning. I also am in the market for a new alarm clock.

Your stuck with the alarm clock you buy for years, so I want to go all out and get the badassest alarm clock I can find. I don’t just want a combination alarm/radio, I want a combination alarm/radio/cd player/mp3 player/Karaoke machine. I want an alarm clock that will toast waffles when I hit snooze. I want an alarm clock with a spoiler and a racing stripe. I want an alarm clock that will beat up my roommates’ alarm clocks for waking me up prematurely. I want a good alarm clock.

Originally published at The Triangle. You can comment here or there.

Alarm Clock

My alarm clock decided to wake me up at 2:13, 2:48, 3:14, and 4:38 before dying an ugly death this morning. I am incoherent from lack of sleep this morning. I also am in the market for a new alarm clock.

Your stuck with the alarm clock you buy for years, so I want to go all out and get the badassest alarm clock I can find. I don’t just want a combination alarm/radio, I want a combination alarm/radio/cd player/mp3 player/Karaoke machine. I want an alarm clock that will toast waffles when I hit snooze. I want an alarm clock with a spoiler and a racing stripe. I want an alarm clock that will beat up my roommates’ alarm clocks for waking me up prematurely. I want a good alarm clock.

Worse than E.T.

Yesterday was special. I got to share a video game very dear to my heart with a friend. The game: Virtual Hydlide for the Sega Saturn. I’ve played hundreds of video games in my time so I don’t speak lightly when I say Virtual Hydlide is the worst video game I’ve ever played.

Everything the game does is wrong. You play Fred the Fairy Master, apparently the only human in the world. The third person “3D” gameplay involves running (at no time do you want to let go of the run button, for movement is deathly slow.) in straight lines past Jellies, Treants, and Kobolds. Those are the only enemies outside of the dungeons and they are easy to walk past. Out of boredom, you will probably stop to kill some. This is a mistake. Not because they are hard to kill, but because Hydlide’s real-time combat system involves pressing the “B” button repeatedly until the thing in front of you has died.

Sometimes you will see a digitized blob that is colored gold. These blobs are items. Items are of course, in some sense, good, but the more items you carry, the slower you move. You will not believe this to be possible, but you will learn otherwise. This is the whole of the “Role-playing” aspect. The game has no npcs for you to interact with.

Before you notice the staggeringly poor gameplay, you will probably be taken in by the graphics. “Damn, those are some ugly graphics,” you might hear yourself say. The game’s unique “3D” look is created by digitized motion-capture. This is always ugly technology, but the graphics in this game would have looked embarrassing during any point in the history of video games. People playing Space War would blanch at the ugliness of this game.

The truly innovative part of the game is the “create a world” feature. Before starting the game, you are asked to input a ten letter code of your own choosing (my choice is always “FLUFFDADDY.”). This code creates a world with a random map and random items. This feature is double amazing because not only does it create an environment that HASN’T BEEN DESIGNED AT ALL, it also requires a memory block that comprises the ENTIRE SATURN HARDDRIVE. To play Virtual Hydlide you must delete all of your other save data. Masterful.

My friend Zac and I love this game. It transcends bad and comes out in a special place. Chuck, my friend who found himself playing it for the first time yesterday, declared it “Awesome in the same way that The Fountainhead is awesome.” He gets it.

Originally published at The Triangle. You can comment here or there.

Worse than E.T.

Yesterday was special. I got to share with my friend, Chuck, a video game very dear to my heart, Virtual Hydlide for the Sega Saturn. I’ve played hundreds of video games in my time so I don’t speak lightly when I say Virtual Hydlide is the worst video game I’ve ever played.

Everything the game does is wrong. You play Fred the Fairy Master, apparently the only human in the world. The third person “3D” gameplay involves running (at no time do you want to let go of the run button, for movement is deathly slow.) in straight lines, past Jellies, Treants, and Kobolds. Those are the only enemies outside of the dungeons, and they are easy to walk past. Out of boredom, you will probably stop to kill some anyways. Hydlide’s real-time combat system involves pressing the “B” button repeatedly until the thing in front of you has died.

Sometimes you will see a digitized blob that is colored gold. These blobs are items. Items are of course good, but the more items you carry, the slower you move. You will not believe this to be possible, but it is. This is the whole of the “Role-playing” aspect, because the game has no npcs for you to interact with.

Before you notice the staggeringly poor gameplay, you will probably be taken in by the graphics. “Damn, those are some ugly graphics,” you might say. The game’s unique “3D” look is created by digitized motion-capture. This is always ugly technology, but the graphics in this game would have looked embarrassing during the Genesis era.

The truly innovative part of the game is the “create a world” feature. Before starting the game, you are asked to input a ten letter code of your own choosing (we always play in world “FLUFFDADDY.”). This code creates a world with a random map and random items. This feature is double amazing because not only does it create an environment that HASN’T BEEN DESIGNED AT ALL, it also requires a memory block that comprises the ENTIRE SATURN HARDDRIVE. To play Virtual Hydlide you must delete all of your other save data. Masterful.

My friend Zac and I love this game. It transcends bad and comes out in a special place. Chuck, playing it for the first time yesterday, declared it “Awesome in the same way that The Fountainhead is awesome. He gets it.

I, of course, am all three

It seems like everyone thinks that the words “nerd,” “dork,” and “geek” all mean different things, but it seems that no one agrees what those distinctions are.

My perception of the terms, using comics as an example, is this:

If you enjoy reading stories about characters created for children beating each other up while wearing brightly colored costumes, you are a geek.
If you can name 3 or more aliases Hank Pym has operated under or if you have spent time thinking/arguing/writing about the sociopolitical impact of vibranium, you are a nerd.
If you display action figures on your mantle or own a blue tee shirt emblazoned with an encircled number “4”, you are a dork.

How do you delineate between the terms?

A-Z, 0-9?

Yesterday, on a lark, I tried the New York Times crossword puzzle. This was the first time I’d solved a crossword puzzle since I was a kid.

Three of the problems had numerals in their answer. I didn’t think crossword puzzles accepted those. Odd.

No, he really was well cast

A Scanner Darkly rocked pretty hard, loaded with both style and substance. A film directed by Richard Linkletter, based on a novel by Philip K. Dick, it is a story about not being able to trust your friends or your perceptions.

Keanu Reeves is well suited for the lead, and the rotoscoping is beautiful and sets a disorienting tone perfect for the story. Although nominally a science fiction movie, set “seven years in the future,” the story is about people and about trust. And about drugs.

The movie is also bust-a-gut hilarious in spots. These characters are having fun, living a life that would be a really good one, if only their brains weren’t being rapidly destroyed and if they weren’t surrounded by liars and spies.

Good performances, great script, and a unique look make this movie stand out. Well worth watching.

Oh yeah… I’m back from vacation

Vacations in general and beaches in specific aren’t really my sort of thing, but I had a great time chillin’ in NC with my sweetie and her family for a week.

Glad we went. Glad we’re back.

Statistics!
Paine’s Common Sense – 20 pages
Star Trek novel purchased at used book store – 25 pages
Final Fantasy Tactics Advanced – 20 hours
Chicken Wings – 33
Times entering ocean – 1
Pinball games paid for – 4
Pinball games won – 4
Total cost to self – 3 months rent

WE OBEY NO ONE WE ARE THE SUPERIOR BEINGS!

I am listening to the contraband album American Edit, a Mashupified American Idiot. Similar to DJ Dangermouse’s The Grey Album, the concept at work is that the artist, Dean Grey (y’know, that just might be a pseudonym), has blended Green Day’s rock opera with dozens of varied pop songs, to create a musical tapestry greater than the sum of its parts.

I’m a sucker for those medleys in populist musicals wherein each character has their own song sung overtop of one another creating a stirring, layered fusion of music. Total sucker. That’s the sort of thing at work here.

Take the flagship song, Doctor Who On Holiday. The song is the fusion of Green Day’s Holiday and The KLF(also known as the Justified Ancients of MUMU, furthermore known as the JAMs, performing as the Timelords)’s pop hit Doctorin’ The Tardis. The JAMs, crazy Discordian pioneers of sampling, based Doctorin’ around samples from Doctor Who and of Gary Glitter’s Rock & Roll (part 2). Who on Holiday, in addition to sampling the KLF song, also blends addition material from both of those sources, in addition to speeches from President Bush to serve as counterpoint to the Dalek speeches.

I dig it. This is not a surprise. I dig recombination and American Idiot is my favorite rock album since Joe Strummer’s Global-a-Go-Go. The presentation is very complex and very clever. It is the sort of album I would buy if it were available for purchase.