All In

I’m aware that if there is anything less interesting that stories
about your dreams it is stories about poker. For this reason, I will
spare you the riveting details of this crazy-ass hand of poker I
dreamt last night. Needless to say the stakes were high, the tension
was thick, and I woke up before cards were revealed.

This is gonna bug me all day.

The Triangle

So I’ve tossed together a video gaming blog with two of my buddies. The goal is to explore what makes games fun and to study games and the gaming industry from different vantage points.

Honestly, I don’t think my fellow contributors are as in to it as I am.

At any rate, you can fnd The Triangle at http://trianglegaming.blogspot.com
There is also an LJ feed at http://syndicated.livejournal.com/triangle_gaming/

Direct to Video

Some bad movies succeed because they have awesome titles. Here are
some film titles I feel that deserve corresponding films:

Hooker Cops X: In Space
The Helicopters of Satan
Robot Vampire Commandos 2: Lost in Time
86 Minutes to Kill
Cowboy Armageddon: Dyson’s Last Stand
Zachary Taylor, Master of Time and Space
Skate Bitches 4: The Return of Mountie Bob
William Shakespeare’s Dick 3.0
Death By Mathematics
Vic Coltrane, Bear Puncher in: Mafia Kodiaks

SUMMER OF NERD: Origins

We celebrated the midpoint of THE SUMMER OF NERD by doing 3 days of
Origins, a gaming convention and home of the Smithee’s. And hot
diggity damn, it was a fun time.

I shared a room with Mitt, Ethan, and Angie. The four of us pretty
much “did the con” together. We also spent some swell time with
Tessa, Jai, Marquis (aka Nigel), Andy, Curtis, and others.

While Ethan did his own thing, the girls and I played Paranoia. With
strangers! Although the game started slow, it turned into a fun romp
as we searched for evidence of human/badger collusionry, and I totally
got my head blown off.

We all got cool swag: Mitt got a dicebag with a picture of a dragon on
it; Angie got the Three Stooges card game; And Ethan got his wife a
beautiful Harry Potter-style wand; And I got a Cardboard Heroes
castle. This is exciting because when I was six years old, I saw this
book at the library that showed you how to build a cardboard castle
out of old milk cartons, so for the next couple of weeks I collected
milk cartons and then went back to get the book, which of course, I
could never find again. This castle will be the something I’ve waited
19 years to build.

And the highlight of Origins was The 16th Annual Alan Smithee Award
Ceremony: Never Been Kissed. The Smithee’s are a five hour clip show
of truly awful films, most of which have never seen theatrical
release. This year was double the schlock as we also endured The
MegaMeta Smithee Awards III (special appearance by Scott Shaw, sort
of), which pit the previous five year’s winners against themselves.
In a surprise upset, Roller Blade beat both Zombie Lake and Guns of El
Chupacabra for Worst Picture. Folks, we sat through 10 hours of this
sort of stuff.

It was a great weekend, and it looks like it will become an annual
tradition. In the meantime, there is plenty more nerding to be done
this summer.

More Than Meets The Eye

So, inevitably, I’ve been thinking about Transformers. And I’ve been
thinking, what if we’ve got it all wrong? What if he isn’t
“Megatron,” and evil villain, but is actually the angel “Metatron,”
otherwise known as The Voice of God. What if we have been misled all
this time?

And this makes sense to me because, if I had the power of the
Almighty, I wouldn’t be so lame that I’d make my Heavenly Host to be
some dudes with wings. No, I’d want them to be robots that turned
into things with wings. I think the angels of Heaven are F-15
Tomcats.

It also explains why Metatron turns into a giant gun: The gun is
scale to be held by God himself. Turns out the word of God is “Dead.”
Similarly, the Soundwave’s gigantic sized becomes clear: He’s
God-scale.

And if the Decepticons are angels, then Cybertron must be Heaven.
Clearly, the Autobots are demons, fallen from Cybertron. Could it be
that Optimus Prime is in fact Lucifer Satan, Star of the Morning?